Nervous Dogs And Marshmallow Owners

00:00 — Kati introduces nervousness as a common dog-training issue and says it exists on a…

Welcome to Off Leash and Unfiltered Trigger Warning. I'm Kati Peppe, delivering the Truth in Dog Training.

Hey everybody, welcome to Off Leash and Unfiltered. I'm Kati Peppe of Diamond Canine Dog training and today I am thinking about nerves. Dogs, man, do we have a lot of nervous dogs? Whew. I know that's something a lot of people are dealing with. Um, sorry if you can hear the snoring in the background. I have Luna, the French bulldog on her place, God over here, and she just a snore away. Um, but nervous dogs have really become a thing lately, guys, and uh, I think, you know, nervousness exists on a spectrum for sure, ranging obviously from very mild to really severe.

Um, but the big thing here is I like to break nervousness down to kind of two big categories. So you've got genuinely fearful dogs, um, that tend to move away from things that make them uncomfortable. They're governed by their nervousness, they're fearful, they're flighty.

They will move away when something scares them. And they're usually scared by a lot of things, whether it's loud noises, a a car moving, a stranger, a dog. Um, so a dog that's genuinely fearful, um, like I said is, is kind of governed by that, that emotion, um, and is very flighty and tends to move away. And oftentimes they tend to be afraid of a variety of things. Um, whereas at the other end of the, the spectrum, the other category of nervousness, I usually term insecure, right? So these dogs also are pretty uncomfortable around things, maybe even a lot of things, but they're confident enough or they have a forward enough type of personality that they will move toward things that make them uncomfortable, right?

They want to go assess the threat, they want to go check it out, but they're uncomfortable. Um, now a genuinely nervous, fearful dog that's super flighty, like those are some of the harder dogs to rehab.

Um, that's one of the hardest things you can deal with is genuine fear. Now, when you're dealing with the insecure type who's a little more confident, it might be a little bit easier to get them into a better head space, and you might be able to do it a little bit faster or a lot faster, but they also tend to be more the biters, um, because they're putting themselves more into situations that they're not comfortable in. They tend to be a little more forward. Um, and so you're more likely, in my opinion, to get bites outta those guys.

That's been my experience. Um, so yeah, kind of a DA different, you know, and maybe it's semantics, maybe we're kind of splitting hairs here, but, um, when you say nervous dog, that can really look a lot of different ways to me. And so I have those kind of two categories in my head, the fearful flighty guys, and then just the uncomfortable kind of insecure guys.

Um, and I get a lot of those here. So, um, big difference in the way those dogs kind of behave and respond. Um, so, but what is the number one problem, uh, that I see with owners and and how they live with their nervous dogs? And I'll tell you right now, it's too much softness. Too much softness. Makes nervous dogs so much worse, guys. Um, I know it sounds stupid, like if you don't understand it, you haven't done it. You haven't seen it, it doesn't make any sense. You look at all the other stuff out there and it doesn't say that.

Um, but I've seen it a lot. I've done it a lot. And trust me, <laugh>, okay, we're gonna go over it right now. Um, but, um, an instance of too much softness, number one is too much freedom, right? So we let the dogs just run around and do whatever they want all day.

They have free run of the house. Um, let's not forget that dogs were originally bred too work for us to do jobs and now they just kind of float around all day with not knowing like where should they be? What should they be doing? Who's in charge? Who makes the rules? Who's holding the fort down? Do they need to protect the house? Like all this stuff, all these questions. And for a lot of dogs, that is just way too overwhelming. It's overwhelming, it makes them nervous, they can't cope. It's like, who even am I and what is the meaning of life?

05:00 — Kati recommends limiting freedom and giving nervous dogs a clear job to reduce uncertainty.

Like you gotta help your dog out here, okay? Take away some of that freedom for now. Take away some of these question marks, right? How do we eliminate question marks? Give your dog a job to do, which if you don't have a flock of sheep, if you're not out hunting every day, okay, then probably giving your dog a job to do.

You know, I assume you're not out like trying to locate bombs for the bomb squad drugs for the DEA <laugh>, okay? You don't have any real jobs like that for your dog to do. Then a job is just obedience. Your dog's job is just to follow your direction. That's their job. Give them a job, okay? Limit their freedom a little bit. Use your crate a little bit. Do not be afraid of your crate guys. Take away some of the, you're going to help your dog by limiting their freedom a little bit. That doesn't mean they can never have freedom.

It doesn't mean they can never run around. It doesn't mean they can never play and have a good time, but they shouldn't just be running around not knowing what to be doing all day. And even if your dog is pretty mellow and like lays down and just chills, I would still use my crate.

If you have a nervous dog, use your crate. You're trying to add a boundaries to your dog's life. Remove decision making, okay? For now, at least that's how we eliminate question marks. Reduce your dog's freedom. Use your kennel. Give them a job to do, teach them obedience to a high level of accountability. And that means that once your dog knows these obedience commands, they're required, okay? Tell your dog to go to their place cot. And that means they lay down on there and they stay there and they don't move until you tell them that they can.

Okay? And that gives them somewhere else to invest their mental energy, something else to point it at. Otherwise it could get pointed anywhere. And they're probably gonna point it towards whatever the most reflexive, intrinsic instinct is that they have, right? So for guardian breeds, that's probably gonna have something to do with, with guarding you guarding the property, okay? And it's not gonna be a burglar that gets bit, it's gonna be like the 11-year-old kid next door that was bringing you the newspaper or something. Um, but anyway, reduce freedom. Teach obedience to a high level of accountability.

Give your dog something to invest their mental energy in, okay? Give them something else to focus on. Give them a clear path to walk. Guys, that makes things so much easier for your dog. When they know exactly what's expected, they know where to be. They know what to be doing, they know what the commands mean, they know what your expectation is. This reduces anxiety. Okay?

So then once you do that, you can combine exercise, which is also important, right? You can ha you can give your dog exercise. Of course we wanna make sure they get their exercise, but now you can also shut it off. So practice, go and stop practice, chase the Frisbee, shut it off. And focus on laying down. Do both have balance in your life. <affirmative> have just a clear language with your dog and clear expectations, clear behaviors that they know how to do so that you can actually work them through things. So important guys. But the accountability piece is important too.

09:00 — Obedience requires accountability because commands without consequences remain optional.

Just teaching your dog how to sit or how to go to places, not enough. It has to be you do it or there's a consequence because otherwise it's optional. It's not a job. There's no rules.

And that's the mistake we're making as a society right now. We've gotten very, very soft. I don't know if you've noticed this, um, but we're kind of trending toward this whole thing of humanizing our dogs. And you know, I don't know if you've noticed that every dog now is a rescue and every dog with an unknown past was abused. And so everybody feels bad for the dog and everybody wants to compensate for that by doing all these things that are making dogs worse. They wanna compensate, first of all for something that probably didn't even happen, but they wanna compensate for it by giving the dog tons of freedom, spoiling the dog, never correcting the dog for anything, never having requirements of the dog, never making the dog be still.

Everything should be fun. Everything should be go, go, go. And the dogs are losing their minds.

They're losing their minds. They need help <laugh>, okay? So the way we help them is not to do those things. True compassion should actually be difficult for you. True compassion means you do what will help the dog in the long term, not what feels good to you right now. Alright? So life with your dog should have order and balance. That's what's gonna eliminate all that anxiety or at least reduce it. So being a marshmallow, being super soft, reassuring your dog when they're nervous, giving them all kinds of freedom, not holding them accountable for their obedience, those things are counterproductive.

They will exacerbate your issues, okay? And one of the biggest things dogs are nervous of, of course is social pressure. And what do we do? What does everybody do when their dog is afraid of strangers? We have the strangers go up to the dog, feed 'em, treats. Don't do that for the love of God. Don't do that <laugh>. Okay? It's too much pressure guys. It's too much pressure for a nervous dog.

And also, don't forget, a lot of dogs aren't super social. They might not want attention from strangers, they might not want to be touched, they might not want to make friends. That might be who your dog is. And that's okay. So make sure that you're not trying to force your dog to be social for you. And even if your dog seems interested in the strangers, don't forget what we just talked about, the insecure dogs, they wanna go assess the threat. That doesn't mean they wanna be friends, right? They wanna go up and get a sniff.

12:00 — Owners should not force nervous dogs to socialize or make friends with strangers.

That doesn't mean they wanna be touched, they're just evaluating things <laugh>.

So, so what do we do? Like if we don't have strangers throw treats at our dog, then what do we do? Like how do we fix it? Well, the first thing you do is you spend time with neutrality. Teach your dog to be neutral in the presence of strangers. Share space with them and not care about them. So that's one of those things I've talked about before. People want immediate gratification. They just want their dog going out and making friends with people. And I'm sorry, but that's counterproductive. And it may very well get you a bite.

Even if you don't think your dog is a biter luna's over there, just a snore in a way, she's so loud, <laugh>. Even if you don't think your dog's a biter, he is never bit before. They all have it in there. They all do. It's in their DNAI promise you, your dog can bite.

Um, they just have different thresholds. They just have different thresholds. But if your dog is uncomfortable, then you have to recognize that that threshold might be lower than you think, right? Because you know the best side of your dog and you know how sweet he is and that sort of thing. Um, but when your dog's uncomfortable, that threshold is lowered a lot. And you don't wanna bite on your hands, <laugh> or someone else's hands, quite literally. Um, so neutrality and how do we teach neutrality? It comes back to having a job to do the obedience aspect, right?

You teach your dog these obedience commands, um, and you can even have fun doing it, but then you have to hold them accountable for it once they know. And you gotta say, okay, look, there's all these scary people around, but I want you to do this. Worry about this job.

Don't worry about them. Worry about healing, worry about your place command. Don't worry about them. Spend some time there and see if things don't get a little bit better because your dog now is rehearsing. Oh, there's order I have a job to do. I know what to expect. I know what's gonna happen. The question marks are gone. I'm not worried about the people. I'm not worried they're gonna bother me. I'm not worried. I'm supposed to be protecting somebody. I'm know exactly what to do. And people now are starting to become just non-issues. Like I don't care about them, they're there, don't care.

But you gotta practice that. It doesn't happen overnight, okay? But that business of having people come throw treats at your dog, no good man, no good at all. So practice some neutrality, okay?

15:00 — Kati recommends neutrality around feared triggers rather than overwhelming the dog with exposure.

So, and I mean it makes sense, doesn't it? Right? If your dog was afraid of the vacuum, you're not gonna go run 'em over with the vacuum, right? You're gonna have 'em just spend some time around it in the same room at a distance. So this is no different. Uh, your dog doesn't need to go have a love fest with everybody. It's counterproductive, okay? Dogs need leadership. They need feedback from you, okay? Um, so trusting your dog to make good decisions when you're not around is a tall order. And that's something else I wanted to talk about.

'cause I've had a lot of clients that, you know, they want their rottweiler to be out in the yard, uh, when, you know, strangers are coming through the gate and delivering mail or whatever the case may be. And um, I, you know, I only picked that breed because, um, I have a specific case like that, uh, recently.

So dog is insecure about people. It's also a guardian breed and tends to react poorly when strangers come onto the property and get too close to the house and they want their dog outside, even though people are coming and going from the house all the time because of their specific circumstance. Um, and I'm not picking on them here. They're not dog experts. It's, it's my job to educate them and to help them. Uh, and I, I think I've done that, but it's a tall order guys. So we can definitely train your dog to make better decisions.

But what you have to remember is training them to make better decisions in your absence, number one, is a lot harder. It takes a lot more effort. I'm not saying it can't be done, it can, right? But dogs are still living things that make their own decisions and they could make a poor choice.

And if you are not there to see it, if you are not there to assess what's happening, if you are not there to give them feedback, there's no guarantee. <laugh>, there's no guarantee. Okay? So I'm not gonna trust my 150 pound full of teeth <laugh>, right? Rottweiler out there, um, with strangers coming and going and I'm not even there. No way, man. Right? So you gotta think about, you gotta be reasonable about this stuff too. Um, because the other aspect of it is even if your dog does make good choices, there's other humans in the mix that's about as bad as it gets guys.

So no matter what you teach your dog, you don't know what the person's gonna do, right? People do some stupid shit. <laugh>, okay, let's just be real. So you might teach your dog, oh, there's a person on the property, I'm gonna turn around and I'm gonna go over to the porch and lay on my bed, right? And then the person goes, oh, what a cute little, right? And they go over and try to make out with 'em.

What are you gonna do about that? Really? Like, what do you want me to do about that? There is no fairy dust and there is no way to change your dog's personality. Most dogs, we can get them into a better head space. We can get them making better choices, but there's no magic, okay? So don't put your dog out there like that on their own. It's just not nice. <laugh> frankly, your dog needs you, they need your feedback. So we always approach these things from both ends of the spectrum. It's like, yes, train your dog to make the best decisions possible, test them, set them up.

Train, train, train. But also use management to a degree where you don't take unreasonable risks. Say, okay, I trust my dog to do pretty good in these situations, but the risk is unreasonable in those situations. So I'm not going to intentionally put 'em in those, those situations.

19:00 — Management alone is unreliable, so owners should train dogs and avoid unreasonable risks.

So I never tell anyone to just rely on management, especially since management usually fails at some point. Train the dog. But don't take unreasonable risks, just use your common sense. So your dog needs you, they need feedback from you, okay? Um, but you know, it all comes back to rules, boundaries, teaching your dog what's acceptable, what isn't acceptable. Giving them a job to do, giving them something else to focus on. Limiting their freedom. A big one too is just not reassuring nervous dog. So the second we see our dog is uncomfortable, it's okay, it's okay.

No, it's not okay. It's not okay to be scared just because you see a person over there, nothing bad is happening. And actually right now as we speak, I have a board and train, um, and she's what I would label as one of the insecure dogs. So a little nervous, uncomfortable about things, has a bite record, um, which was growing pretty fast before she came in.

And uh, she was pretty uncomfortable when she first came in for her board and train. Um, and she did not go to the bathroom for nearly 40 hours, guys. Now it's not like I wasn't giving her the opportunity if she was going in her crate at home. So <laugh>, um, 40 hours, she didn't go to the bathroom. And of course, and I'm not picking on her owner here at all. Her owners are fantastic. Um, but you know, they don't know, know how to approach this stuff, how to think about this stuff. Of course they don't.

That's my job to teach them. Um, and so of course her owner's reaction was, oh, poor thing.

No <laugh>, no, not poor thing. So yeah, in a sense like, but your dog has a problem. Okay? Nothing bad is happening. Nothing at all. We really hadn't even done anything. 'cause we don't do much. The first day the dog comes in, right? She came home with me, I had her in a kennel. There's other dogs around, they're in their kennels. And you know, we'd go out to potty and just walk around on a leash a little bit now and then, and that's it. And like she couldn't even go to the bathroom. I don't feel bad for her.

I can't help her If I feel bad for her.

My job is to show her it's fine. My job isn't to reassure her to pet her, to coddle her, to let her run around my house being nervous, right? My job is to teach her things that can help her build confidence. My job is to believe she can do it, to believe she can feel better, to believe she can do better. My job is to have faith in her, not to feel bad for her. You cannot help your dog by feeling bad for them. Build your dog up. Your dog is not a victim. Stop calling your dog a rescue dog.

22:00 — Kati says her role is to believe a nervous dog can improve rather than…

Sorry. I know most people just do that because that's the language now that's used. Unless you rescued your dog from an imminent death situation, stop calling them a rescue. And even then, I would argue stop calling them a rescue because it's probably creating some problems in your relationship. But the point is, most dogs genuinely are not rescue dogs, okay? You just, you just adopted a dog, purchased a dog, whatever you wanna call it.

So that's that. You have a dog. Now build them up, okay? Teach them things, hold them accountable, provide order for them. They need order, okay? So, and don't get me wrong, some dogs do fine just running around in the house having free reign and that's great. But if you have a nervous dog, your dog is not one of those dogs, at least not right now. And you might get them to a point where you can filter in some freedom over time and they do fine, but you're not alone. If your dog is not fine, take away some of that freedom.

Use your crate, use your place command, okay? Teach them obedience, hold them accountable for it, and then take them and expose them to things that make them uncomfortable and have them focus on the things you taught them, okay? Do you see how this all comes together to build confidence and to pull, focus away from the triggers that make them uncomfortable?

And as your dog rehearses that it becomes easier and easier and easier for them until the triggers just aren't much of a thing anymore. And all dogs are different. Some dogs are gonna be chipping away at this forever. Um, but almost all dogs can be in a better space. So I've had some extremely fearful nervous dogs and they were not cured when they went home, but they were a lot better. They could cope a lot better. They were capable of a lot more. And so things can be better, but if you're a marshmallow with your dog, you're probably gonna continue to struggle <laugh>.

So don't do that. And I know all the information out there says you can't correct your nervous dog. And I know our instincts tell us we shouldn't correct our nervous dogs. I know that I'm a human, I know that. Um, but I take it for granted at this point because I've done it so much. And I know that a lot of you don't have that.

I know that. So I get it, I do get it. Um, but the fact is, you know, you can see it. I'm not the only one. I have it on my social media. You can find nervous dogs, dogs that wouldn't walk on floors, dogs that were fleeing from people in public. And you can see it change and you can see it change pretty fast. You can see it get better pretty fast, okay? And there's other trainers out there that do the same. So make some changes and see if you don't see some changes. But I always liken it, um, to like climbing Mount Everest, right?

This big, scary, dangerous thing that people do. I mean, what kind of a person would you want leading you up Mount Everest? Do you want some softy, some marshmallow? Who doesn't have any order? Who doesn't have any rules? Who's not keeping people on task, doing the things they should be doing, making decisions? You know, you, do you want someone who's just, well, whatever. No way, man. I don't think so. Don't sign me up for that. Like, I want a hard ass. Who knows where we're going. What we're doing is keeping people in line and I know has got my back.

<laugh> your dog's the same way. And to your dog, if they're nervous, every day might be Mount Everest. So be their leader and build them up. Okay guys, that's it for today's episode. Until next time, happy practicing. Don't forget to hit subscribe. So we can do this again real soon and I'll see you all next time.