Your Dysfunctional Life

00:00 — Kati Peppe introduces Off Leash and Unfiltered and Diamond Canine Dog Training’s off-leash obedience…

Welcome to Off Leash and Unfiltered Trigger Warning. I'm Kati Peppe, delivering the Truth in Dog Training.

Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of Off Leash and Unfiltered. I'm Kati Peppe, owner of Diamond Canine Dog Training here in Biddeford, Maine, and we specialize in eco training for off-leash obedience as well as behavior modification. So helping people stop unwanted behaviors, um, doing lots of state of mind work and things like aggression reactivity, separation anxiety, and all that fun stuff. Um, that's what we, that's what we do. Um, and we also offer puppy programs as well to help people with puppy raising and puppy manners and teaching obedience. Um, so let's jump right in.

Today is gonna be a fairly brief one, I think, but I, I don't know. I always think that, um, but I, I just did a consultation and it struck me as it does sometimes that sometimes people are living with a dog or dog and their day to day has just become so normal and so standard to them that they don't even know how bad it is.

We see this all the time, right? We see it in even in like just human relationships, like just the way people live or, you know, like the, the stuff they put up with from their like boyfriend or girlfriend, um, their parents, whatever, whatever the case may be. Um, or even just their physical environment. It's like things are bad, but it's just so, it's become so normal to them. They don't see it. And I see this so much in dog training that I thought it was worth talking about. So you gotta kind of try to remove yourself from the situation and look at it comparatively, right?

So you, generally speaking, it's not real beneficial to compare yourself, your situation, um, your skills and abilities like to other people. But when it comes to the impact on your day-to-day life, I think it does pay to take a step back and say, well, are these types of things, things that everyone else has to deal with?

Um, you know, and how much do these things impact where I'm going and what I'm doing and how I'm feeling, right? Do I have to plan everything around my dog, right? Am I unable to do normal functional things that I should be able to do because of my dog? So we often get calls from people who like can't leave the house. Like they just get, they can't go anywhere without the dog, unless they have a babysitter for the dog. Um, that's not normal, that's bad, that is not a healthy way to live. It's stressful, it's anxiety inducing for both you and the dog.

Um, it's no good, but for some people it just becomes normal and they just deal with it. Um, or for instance, the consultation that I just had was a nice lady who, um, four people in the house. So her, her partner, two older children, um, and they have two dogs.

And neither one of the dogs are like bad dogs, right? So most people I think when they think of a bad dog, they think of like an aggressive dog, um, or a dog that's paving terribly all the time. And it's like, they're not like, they're both sort of sweet, lovable, affectionate, fun, goofy dogs. They, you know, they both have their own personalities, but neither one of them are doing anything super terrible. Um, from a behavioral perspective. I mean, they are and they aren't, but <laugh>. But I think according to most people's definitions, they're not, right?

04:00 — A family’s affectionate dogs create serious disruption despite appearing merely sweet, goofy, and not…

So these aren't dogs that are generally a, like a liability that you have to worry they're gonna hurt someone. Um, but when you listen to how they live, so the longer we were on the phone, like the <laugh>, the more obvious it became to me that like they seriously need an intervention <laugh>, they seriously need an intervention.

I think it's super common for that to happen. And so at first glance, like, you know, we spend five minutes on the phone and she's just telling me basically that her dog's excited. And like the chihuahua might is starting to kind of potty in the house. And, and like that doesn't sound too earth shattering, right? It's not great, but it nothing too earth shattering there. But the longer we're on the phone, the more you hear like it's chaos. Like when someone comes over, it's chaos. When we stop to talk to someone on the street, it's chaos.

When we come home and the dog's excited to see us, it's chaos. So you add up these moments and guess what? The whole damn day is chaos <laugh>. So, um, it's just not working, right? And then the dog's relationship with each other too is becoming a thing that doesn't work.

And so they're squabbling over toys, um, because there's just so much energy flying around and so much chaos and, and such a lack of like order, um, that now it's affecting the dog's relationships with each other. And, you know, the relationship with the owner is suffering and now they're starting to see an escalation in the dog's like nipping to get attention or to go outside and you kind of using its teeth. And so things are starting to slowly, but that's how you get kind of desensitized to it, right? So I always say like, if you are really squeamish about punishing behaviors, right?

And you, you try to come in with like that lowest level that will work, it's a good way to screw yourself because all you're going to do is, um, desensitize your dog to the corrections, right? Your dog is just gonna kind of get used to that alert 'cause it's worth testing that boundary over and over again because the punishment isn't really that high.

So at some point it's worth testing again, it might be in five minutes, might be in five days, but it's worth testing again. And every time they do it and you either miss it, God forbid, or you come in again with that low correction, the dog starts to kind of get used to it. And then you see that and you see that happening and you go, okay, well I'm gonna bump it up a little bit, but it's just a little bit right? And so the dog goes, Ooh, that was a little bit worse, but you know, not terrible.

So like, I'm gonna try it again. And so you desensitize, desensitize, desensitize, and our dogs do that to us too, <laugh>. So right? It starts out with like, I'm a little overexcited, maybe I jump on people and then it escalates to like, I'm hopping around like popcorn.

You can't control me when someone comes through the door and then it escalates to like, I'm gonna start nipping at your clothes. And before you know it, like you have a real problem and your quality of life is really in the tubes and your relationships in the tubes. Um, so I think do yourself a big favor and really try to take a step back, like spend a few minutes and just think about what your ideal would look like, right? Just a little fantasy. Just like sit down and think about God, what would I really love to see happen here?

Like if I could wave a magic wand and just get my dogs to do whatever it is I want them to do, what would that look like? And I want you to evaluate how big the gap really is between what you would like love, right?

08:00 — Kati asks owners to compare their ideal household with their current reality instead of…

I don't want you to settle. I don't want you to be like, well, if they would just, you know, pipe down a little bit at this time, if they would just stop, you know, mouthing at my shirt. I want you to really think, what would my ideal look like? And then I want you to evaluate how big the gap is, right? And you might not get your ideal. You probably could, but you might not. And I get that, okay? I'm not saying things have to be perfect, but I want you to think about what perfect would look like, just so that you can accurately assess how big the gap is between your ideal life with your dogs and what you're actually living day to.

And then I want you to think about when I look at my day to day, how much of my day is impacted. So go through it, take a few minutes and sit there and go through your whole day from when you get out of bed, you get ready for work or, or school or whatever it is you're doing, you know, and you gotta bring the dogs a course out to potty and give them their breakfast and all this stuff. Um, and then, you know, whatever it is you do during the day, whether you're at home, working from home or you leave, and then what does, what does it look like during the day?

What does it look like when you come back? Um, I want you to think about all this stuff. What does it look like when we go out for a walk? What, what does it look like when we go to the vet? What does it look like when I'm eating dinner at night, when I'm doing my bedtime routine? So all, not just stuff with your dog, but the stuff you have to do for you and for your family and for your household. When you're going through those motions, how much of that does your dog impact? And how do they impact?

Think about it because a lot of times we get very focused on just like our dog centric activities and how we'd like those to be better. But our actual life that we're just trying to live is turned upside down by the dog because the dog's present, they live with you,

Right? And so it might be true that you need a better walk. That might be true, but wouldn't it also be nice if you could just sit down and eat supper <laugh> without a dog like sitting there begging or like whining its butt off 'cause you put it in the kennel or you know, whatever it is that's going on in your household or a dog that steals the, you know, chicken off the countertop. Um, really think about how much of your moment to moment day is currently negatively impacted or just stressful, right? Because your dog isn't currently behaving the way that we would like them to.

And so then you can really start to get a picture of like, the way we're living isn't ideal. We know that, right? But maybe it's not even acceptable and maybe it's downright dysfunctional and you don't even know it <laugh> you don't even know it. So let me be very clear about something your dog guys has to fit into your life. And there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with that. And I wanna give you permission right now to understand it's okay to put your dog in the kennel. It's the safest place for them.

So whether you have to put your dog in the kennel so that you can get peace and quiet so you can take a hot shower without the house getting torn apart so you can run to the store without the house getting torn apart, or so that the dog's not under your feet while you're cooking dinner or while people come in or whatever it is, use it. Okay? And I'm not saying rely on the kennel instead of training, right? But training takes time. And if you haven't done it yet, use your, you have to use what you've got, right?

12:00 — Kennels provide necessary structure for showers, errands, cooking, and visitors while owners work toward…

So you have to take the initiative to make things easier for yourself. And if you're just going to feel guilty every time you do that, then you stay stuck in a loop where nothing ever changes <laugh>. So give yourself permission to do the things you need to do to help your dog fit into your life.

'cause if you don't, you're just going to be stressed out, pissed off, frustrated. It affects your relationship with your dog. Okay? So this is toxic stuff. Toxic, toxic, toxic. It's okay to use some structure. It's okay to keep the leash on your dog. It's okay to tether your dog in the house. It's okay to put your dog in the kettle. You do any of the stuff that you have to do. I'm not saying neglect the dog, right? They need food, water, shelter, exercise, attention. You'll give them those things. I'm not telling you not to give them those things, I'm just saying do whatever you have to do to help your dog fit into your life.

Especially if you're pre-training, right? You haven't done training yet, maybe you know you need to. Um, that doesn't mean you're helpless right now.

So if you sit down and you do this little self-evaluation, you're like, oh my god, our shit's off the rails. Like we need <laugh>. We need to do something. Um, identify what some of the things are that you could do right now to get things a little more under control and start restoring orders. So, you know, what I told this person that I just had this consultation with is I would get really pumped up about this and I would say, okay, today no more we're gonna restore order. No things aren't gonna be perfect. No, her dogs aren't gonna learn a whole bunch of stuff today.

She's not gonna set out and do a big like training stuff with them right now. Um, she is gonna sign up for some programs. I'm excited for that. But today she's got kennels that she ordered and they're sitting outside in a cardboard box.

And today she's going to open them and she's going to set them up and she's going to start using them and she's gonna put her dogs in there and she's going to tell her dogs that they need to be quiet, right? So that's a thing she can do now. And when she's not watching, doing something with them, that's where where they're gonna be. She works from home. She needs peace and quiet. She needs to be left alone. She doesn't need a dog jumping on her, pulling out her clothes, nipping her to go outside. She doesn't need her little one running around the corner and pooping on the floor.

When I say little one, I mean a the dog. <laugh> not, not a child. Um, 'cause that's what happens right now. She's gonna put her dogs in the kennel. She's gonna do her work. Then when she has time for a break, she can go bring them out to potty. She can walk them, throw the ball for them, whatever she wants to do, get them some exercise, give them some attention. And then when she comes back in to go back to work, she's gonna put them back in her kennel. And you know what? Her life is already going to be a thousand times better.

We screw ourselves and we undermine ourselves because we feel guilty. But if you do something simply to alleviate your guilt, that in and of itself is selfish. It's not the dogs. It's your guilt. You don't wanna deal with the guilt. Dogs have needs. We should fulfill those needs. Letting your dog run around the house, rule the roost and act frantic all day is not a need that your dog has. You should not allow that. That is not healthy, that is not beneficial. That is not contributing to a sex successful relationship between you and your dogs.

16:00 — Unrestricted frantic behavior is not a dog’s need, and freedom should return only after…

It is not contributing to them fulfilling any of their needs. It is very counterproductive. And it's not healthy for either of you, you or the dogs or your family.

And around and around you go. So she's going to start restoring order today and it's not gonna be perfect, but it's gonna be way better. Okay? And then she's gonna hopefully sign up officially for her training programs and things are only gonna get better and better and better and better. And then maybe she can start to introduce some freedom again for her dog once they've got new coping skills, new listening skills, right? Once we've patterned better stuff. But it's a process. So a lot of people wanna wave a magic wand and they put the cart before the horse and they just want the dogs running around the house doing whatever they want and just doesn't work.

Especially if you have more than one dog.

So the more dogs you have, the harder this is and the more of a commitment it is. Um, but it just struck me because these dogs don't have any specific behaviors that sound terrible. But the longer she talked and the more she describes of her day and, and what she was dealing with and what she has to address, and what she has to think about their whole life's upside down because of these dogs. It's wild. And we just, we don't even notice it. We don't realize it. Like they obviously know things could be better, right?

That's why we're on the phone. Um, but boy, could it be night and day, man. It could be night and day.

So sit down and assess, assess what your ideal would be versus what it currently is and how much of your day and your tasks are impacted by your dog's behavior. And then think about what are the things I could do to make that better, right? And get some training. 'cause it's life changing guys. I always say training is freedom. Everybody says that. All the trainers say that, but it's true. It really is true. And on the other side of all that hard work and all that structure and all that guilt is everything you want, <laugh> everything you want.

You can, you can probably have everything you want, but it's on the other side of the hard work, the structure and the guilt. And there's no way around it. You gotta go through it. So, so I challenge you to think about it, think about your day and your life and how your dog is impacting it and do something about it. Watch our stuff. Um, obviously you're listening to the podcast. Watch our videos, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube. Um, send us your questions. You have questions. What do you want us to talk about? What do you want me to cover on here?

That's gonna be it for today guys. Thanks for listening and I look forward to, uh, the next time around.